FAIL.

Do you ever have those moments where you literally think to yourself…”‘wow, I suck”.  That pretty much sums up my weekend.  I know I seem to make this whole being crazy busy thing like this amazing fun whirlwind, but truth be told this weekend was a sign that I cannot always keep up.  Let me break it down for you, it is actually kind of funny.

Friday morning we had our second Crossfit Open workout and I did okay.  Anything involving upper body strength I struggle with, as I am no where near half as strong as most of the women competing.  The workout was a 10 Minute ‘as many rounds as possible’ of:  75# push press, 75# Deadlift & 15 box jumps.  I could have dead-lifted and box jumped for days, but those FIVE STUPID PUSH-PRESS were the death of me.  I ended up getting 225 reps, which is 7 rounds plus some.  I tend to be very self-conscious of my scores/times at Crossfit because people know I am a trainer in my outside life.  Others tend to think that means I should be this crazy strong perfect powerhouse.  Truth is, I have my weaknesses just like everybody else.  Being a personal trainer does not mean I am an Olympic athlete, it just means I have mastered the art of being generally healthy and fit and am able to relate that to others.  Any who, I was a little disappointed with my score which I let sour my mood all day. FAIL#1

Friday in the office, we had all of our final program edits due for this big spring IACAC conference I was telling you about.   You guys, seriously I should not be on this committee, let alone   a chair of it.  There are SO MANY DETAILS.  Details are not my strength.  I spent almost my entire day going through it to make sure it was all right, so once I was done I hit send and did a little tap dance in my head. Wait for it…I got an email back needing to re-do it because someway somehow I messed up a session time slot which is HUGE.  FAIL#2

Friday night, I went out for a friends Birthday to this fun Italian restaurant that had almost NOTHING Paleo on the menu.  It was torture.  Pasta, Pizza bread, treats, sweet wine all sitting there just tormenting me. It was a super fun night and I love being around my friends, but I was so tired from my crazy week and crabby about not being able to stuff my face with brownies that I probably was not my usual self 🙁  FAIL#3

Saturday I had a new session of weekend class all day which I totally thought I was prepared for, but as it turns out I ordered and READ the wrong book and therefore pretty much bombed the first quiz.  FAIL#4

Talk about a great first impression to a teacher.  This class is called “Group Work” so the basis of it is to learn different strategies in leading different teams, groups, working with different personalities etc.  It will be a great class, I know I will enjoy it.  However, as the teacher was going through the incredibly intense syllabus I was having a slight panic attack.  We have A LOT of reading and two papers due every week, lord help me.  I worked myself into such a panic, that I bailed on my plans for Saturday night to lock myself in the house and get a head start.  This mean I missed one of my best friend’s Birthday bash 🙁  Thanks for loving me anyway, Nicole. FAIL #5

Saturday night I was so excited to come home and eat my Paleo leftovers from the restaurant the night before (Roasted Chicken with lots of grilled veggies) only to find that Shain ate it all.  Awesome dude.  FAIL #5

(totally not offended if you are laughing at me right now, it gets better)

Sunday I worked most of the morning, got a quick workout in and then rushed like crazy to get to baby shower at 3pm.  It was for a friend I don’t get to see very often, so I was really looking forward to it.  So there I am walking in at 3:05pm all proud of myself that I was only 5 minutes late…..turns out I was 3 HOURS LATE.  Because the shower was over, you know since it started at 12.   Oh and I should also mention this is the SECOND time I have done this for a party in the last few weeks.  FAIL #6

I won’t lie to you, I maybe went back into my car and cried a little.  Sometimes I am just so frustrated with myself.  This is what happens when you go a million miles a minute, you miss really important things.  That is not okay.

There was a reason I named this blog “Blessed in the Mess”.  Because life is messy, friends. I am not perfect, my life is not perfect. Things do not always go the way we want and sometimes we fail.  But you have to keep trucking on and learn from your mistakes.  You HAVE to find the blessings in the mess, because they are always there. What are my blessings?  The fact that I have friends and family who understand and love me anyway.  The fact that even on my worst workout day, I am still strong and healthy.  The fact that in a year I will be that much closer to graduating with my Masters.

My lesson this weekend?  I need to slow down.  I can keep this pace up for quite a long time but there is always one moment, like this weekend that makes me question everything I am doing in my life.  If I am so busy that I am not able to enjoy a birthday dinner, not able to spend time with friends and family.  I am too busy. PERIOD.