People.

Sooo I only posted once last week, why?  Because last week I was a crabby negative mess.  Yea, it was one of those weeks.  Oh… and then I topped it off yesterday by rear-ending somebody.  All  because I was dazing off at stop light. I am so awesome.  So it is best that I kept my raging thoughts confined to my private journal last week, you are welcome.  I DID however get to spend time with lots of good friends this weekend, so all was not lost.  Phew. Blessed in the mess right?

Now that I am not raging angry any more and I have had time to reflect on some things that have been weighing on me, perhaps I can provide some insight.  As I am sure I am not alone in this issue.  The issue is people.  People have just been getting to me lately.  And that is saying something because I LOVE people.  I love being around people, meeting new people and really getting to know them.  But recently, people have been letting me down.

If I could sum up the theme of the last few months it would be “Jill tries to please everybody and everybody ends up mad at Jill”.  Sounds like an awesome horror movie right?  Not.

I remember being so relieved to be done with junior high and high school, because I thought it would get better.  Remember how mean kids could be at that age?  They say nice and wonderful things to your face, maybe even comment on your cute outfit and then they bash you to another friend.  At that age, everyone was insecure and simply trying to survive the awful years of puberty and fitting in.  Okay fine.  But those years are long gone now and it makes me sad to see those same things that happen in my every day life, with grown adults.

I think that most of the time sadly, we don’t realize when we are doing these things. I know I can be guilty of being sucked in sometimes, especially when I am frustrated or hurt.  But it is NOT an excuse, EVER.   Which is why I made the resolution of limiting my “negative talk”.  I have noticed that when this negative talk is present, others tend to think they are just speaking the “truth” or “venting”.  Speaking negatively of somebody else should be avoided at all costs, always.  If you have an issue, chat about it with that person.  That is what will make you different than a 15 year old who gossips.  How am I to know if you are upset you if you never tell me?  How am I to know that you don’t like something I did, when you respond positively to it?

I try my best to please everybody in all aspects of my life, which I am very aware is a losing battle, yet I still continue to try.  I pride myself in being a sensitive, thoughtful and respectful person… but that will never be enough.  Especially for those who are only out for themselves and their own interests. Trying to please people at work or with wedding planning has been taking it’s toll.  Despite that challenge, I refuse to just give up and say “SCREW THE WORLD!” and make my own island.  At the end of the day, people and relationships are what makes the world go round, they are what makes life worth living.  And let’s be honest, being on an island by yourself would be no fun, it would only be fun to have all the candy to myself.  I will continue to work on my relationships and on raising people up around me, even the difficult ones.  They are usually the ones that need it the most. 

Stay blessed in this crazy MESS!