If I wear a mask to the store and live in fear, I am a sheep. Get your head out of the sand, they say. The Government is trying to control you, they say. This is a hoax.
If I am intrigued by conspiracy theories or question ANYTHING, I am called selfish. If I don’t wear a mask everywhere I go, I am called reckless. You are distracting the medical professionals putting their life on the line, they say. This is real.
We saw our parents for the first time in months last weekend, at a distance, with masks. My 4 year old coughed near where one parent was sitting, her beloved Pop-pop. When she coughed, I immediately became tense and moved her even farther away. She started crying, “I covered my mouth Mom, did I make him sick?”
Like many of you, my girls are used to seeing their grandparents weekly. I haven’t seen my 89 year old Papa who I have no idea how much time I have left with, for fear of putting him at risk. I have a parent with lung cancer. It is for THEM I have followed these rules. But I also struggle with the fact that I am losing time with people I was already losing time with.
I feel like I am living a movie. You know like Hunger Games or Divergent where we live in this messed up society with limited freedoms, lots of fear and no clear idea of the truth? I want to trust science, I want to trust medical professionals, I want to do the right thing. I really really do, but I am also having a hard time knowing who or what to trust.
How can we blame anybody for trying to wade through the million bits of misinformation every day trying to find a sliver of truth on what is really happening? It is impossible. I am disgusted by how media outlets are handling this crisis, that seems the most unjust to me of everything.
I alway thought that if I were living in a movie or time such as this, I would certainly be the character that stands up for what is right and what is true. Of course it would be totally obvious to me when something is not right and I would have zero problem standing up for it and speaking my mind, even when it broke the law. Of course!
But here I am. Living out a moment in history and it is not that easy, I feel paralyzed by confusion.
I am confused as to why the “peak’ of the virus keeps getting moved–when I also hear that the stay at home order is working and the curve is being flattened.
I am confused by the constantly growing numbers of cases, yet not knowing more than one person who has this virus.
I am confused that tests are now more available, yet how impossible it is to actually get tested.
I am freaking confused.
There is a quote from The Hunger Games, a popular novel turned movie, that I cannot stop thinking about. It was spoken by the “bad guy” in the movie, President Snow. He was trying to control his nation with fear for his own selfish motives, all of which was being threatened by a young girl named Katniss, who was challenging the very system her world was built upon.
“Hope is the only thing stronger than fear. A little hope is effective. A lot of hope is dangerous. A spark is just fine as long as it is contained.”
I don’t know about you, but when I look to the leaders of this country, all I see is the promotion of fear. I don’t see any hope and I don’t see answers that make sense. I see headlines stating this could go on for years, I see sponsored posts from news outlets sharing other diseases being found in children that are linked to COVID19, I see horror story after horror story….I see fear promotion everywhere I look. I don’t see any hope.
I am not saying this virus isn’t real, I am not saying that a stay at home order and social distancing are wrong, what I am saying is there is some serious ‘hope containing” happening here and it is very unsettling. Who exactly benefits from an entire world living in fear?
I want to believe what is right & I want to DO what is right. I just wish I knew what that was.