I love the energy of January, I always have. The inspiration to be better, to set goals, to change things up, to have a fresh start. Let’s go! But this January, I held back. Not because I wanted to, but because I felt that pull in my heart that it was not the time to make plans or set goals.
The last 8 months or so of life have been a whirlwind for both me and my family. What was supposed to be an exciting new chapter for me personally of launching a business, having more time at home and some time away working on a passion project, has felt chaotic and emotional. Losing a loved one, a cancer diagnosis and the overwhelm of being home with two little emotional beings amidst trying to process all of that and keep my new business running has been well…just plain hard. But had I not quit my job and taken this step last summer, it would have been a million times harder.
So instead of jumping ahead this January, I fasted, I prayed, I got as quiet as I could and tried to shut all distractions out (you know minus the 2 & 4 year old around here) and just listen. Listen to God & listen to my heart. I don’t have all the clarity I want yet and I am still feeling ridiculously restless, but I KNOW I feel this way because I am exhausted from living in my own strength, from striving striving striving.
Stillness of the mind is not something that comes natural to me or probably anybody for that matter, but it is something I need to work on if I want the life and the clarity I crave. A life of meaning and purpose, doing what, I am not quite sure yet. But right now I am trying not to worry about tomorrow or the future and just leave it to the man upstairs and HIS strength. I am a forever work in progress on this.
Stay blessed (and healthy!) in the mess, my friends.