Today I raged on my kids. On my husband. On my dog. I’ve opened a bottle of wine at noon and cried on my couch from the guilt of it all. I am feeling so frustrated. We had been doing so good, had such a good flow of a routine and work and self-care.
But my kids’ moods have taken a turn for the worse and it all caught up with me the last two days. Maybe it’s because I could not even focus on the Easter service I had been looking forward to due to interruptions by toddler whining and fighting (STOP SCREAMING I AM TRYING TO PRAISE JESUS HERE!!).
Maybe it’s the crappy weather that decided to make it’s return. Maybe looking at my calendar and having nothing to look forward to just sucks. Or maybe it’s my PMS (likely!)… or maybe this is just hard. I think it’s all of those things.
Although I still truly believe this “Great Pause” to be something this country and society desperately needed, this introverted hermit is starting to hit her wall too. Took about 30 days, but still, I’m human. I miss working with students in person and not via zoom. I miss church and my small group. I miss our trips to our favorite coffee shop and then walking down the street to the library. I miss play dates with friends and in person adult conversations. I miss taking my girls on our routine grocery trips, which they always deem an adventure. I miss our family.
It has been my experience that when things start to really feel sucky, it is the best time to hang on tight. Just look at any major movie plot. This is where the growth happens and when you really need to dial in on what it is that you need and what is important. Don’t give up.
I know you feel hopeless right now. I know you feel weary from the weight of it all and maybe even alone amidst the chaos of your own house. Me too. But we will get through this and man what a story it will be to tell. Keep hunting for joy and hanging on to good habits that make you feel good (drinking a half bottle of wine and crying on the couch at noon is not recommended but hey who am I to judge). Let yourself feel all the feelings. There is no award for “best quarantine family” or “most positive quarantine outlook”. Privilege or no privilege this is hard for everybody. But it isn’t forever, nothing is. Hang in there.