Just keep showing up

You know that huge goal I had last year?  The goal of qualifying for the Boston Marathon?  Remember how I missed that goal by 3 minutes?  And then AGAIN a month later by two minutes?  Yeah, that was awesome.

So here I am,  well over a month into 2014 marathon training…AGAIN.  I will not lie to you friends, it has not been going so hot.   I don’t know if I am just burnt out on this marathon business or if I am scared of failing again, or if the stress of life lately has affected me- maybe it is a little bit of everything.

Just this past weekend, I had to call Shain in tears to come pick me up on mile 13 of a 15 miler, because I literally let my battlefield of a head work me into a full blown anxiety attack that went like this:  “I really hate running, I should not have had those two beers last night, I wish I could just quit running and do Crossfit only,  it is really hot,  I can’t do this, I am so sick of running, I will never qualify, I have missed my chance, I can’t breathe, my legs feel like lead, my head is pounding, I quit”

I wish I was exaggerating, this is actually a typical conversation in my head during a tough workout/run.   I  have to constantly talk my self off a ledge.  That day I did not succeed, it happens.


2014 pics 296Giving Wyatt a swim break during a hot run

I wish I could be that person who could stay out late, eat whatever I want  etc. and still perform at close to my best.  But unfortunately, I am not nor have I ever been that person.  I think that is what makes training for this so hard, I have to sacrifice a lot of fun events,  I have to be more lame than I already am and get to bed early, I can’t binge too much on bad food- otherwise running 15-20 miles at PACE, in the humidity, is a disaster.

I have thought about throwing in the towel many times in this last month alone-but I have not.  I just keep showing up.  I show up to the gym despite my strength being way down (due to all the running), I show up to the track… and I show up to the running path and force myself through (most) of those long runs.  Sometimes all we can do is just keep showing up, it might not be our best, but we will fall far more behind if we just didn’t show up at all.   We will be ahead of those who stayed in bed, laid on the couch, didn’t feel like doing it- we will be that much closer to our goal.

2014 pics 297

The days where we feel energized and ready to rock and roll are the easy ones, I certainly have had plenty of really good runs/workouts these past few weeks that leave me saying “Heck yes I can DO this!”.  I even hit a huge 5k PR a few weeks ago that boosted my confidence very much, but the tough days have outweighed the good.  However, it is THOSE days that we don’t want to get up, we just don’t feel like it or there are other plans that sound WAY more fun- those are the days that prove  true dedication.  To running, to work, to whatever it is you are going after.  If it was easy, everybody would do it.

When in doubt, just keep showing up.


Stay blessed in the mess 🙂



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