Honesty.

One of the biggest mistakes we make with ourselves and with others,  is not being honest.  This makes sense though, being honest is hard.  It means you have to come to some serious self realizations that you may be uncomfortable with.  It mean you may have to leave your excuses at the door.  You may even have to say things that hurt other people’s feelings…maybe it will cause conflict and nobody likes conflict.  But conflict is how we grow.   There IS a way to be honest with one another without being disrespectful.  But often our honesty comes with anger, which of course is not going to get the result we want or need.  The truth does hurt sometimes, so it is best delivered in a respectful and kind way so as to help and construct…not to tear down.

Are you being 100% honest with yourself or are you faking it?  Do you REALLY love your job?  Do you REALLY enjoy the person you are with?  Do you REALLY believe you are doing what you are supposed to right now? Are you honest with others about your feelings?  Maybe you are, or maybe you are not.   Many of us are just trying to get through the day, not realizing that by “faking it” we are pushing ourselves farther and father away from our potential and creating more conflict for others and for ourselves.  Especially internal conflict.

 

You see, it is really this vicious cycle that can relate to all aspects of life.  For example, not being honest with others:  You are not honest with another co- worker/friend/family member about something that really upset you, so you let it go.  That person does it again, you start to build resentment.  All the while, this person has no clue that what they are doing is upsetting you but you are mad that they have not figured it out.

The resentment and anger builds.   Maybe it blows up one day or maybe you just bottle it up and never say a word.  It’s not healthy for you to do that and it’s not good for the other person to NOT know what they are doing wrong.  So, maybe instead you talk about it with everybody else.  That makes sense right?  Let’s just tell everybody else why this person is pissing you off, but don’t actually approach the situation itself to correct it.  So now there are assumptions made about this person by others who do not even know both sides of what is going on which results in more non-honest conversation and more hurt feelings.  Chaos.  These are the kinds of things that rip teams, staff members, relationships and families apart.

Why do we let this go on?

Somebody once told me something about conflict and hard conversations that was so very true.  “The hard conversations are never as hard as you make them out to be in your head.”    This goes for conversations with yourself has well.  Have the talk, come forth with your thoughts.  I truly believe that we would all be in a better place if we were just more open to honest and respectful conversation.  We would work better together, we would have better relationships and life would be more enjoyable.

I am not telling you to go and tell everybody you dislike how you really feel and how that outfit actually looks terrible and OMG why are you wearing your hair like that and could you chew your gum ANY LOUDER…easy tiger.

At work especially, it is important to be cordial and put petty things like that aside.  I am talking about productive honesty here.   I will confess that if I personally do not like someone…they will probably never know in their lifetime that I do not like them.  What good comes of me telling somebody that I despise being in the same room as them?  No good at all.  But if that relationship needs to be productive, I  SHOULD be able to say:  “It has upset me the way you have acted toward me lately, did I do something wrong?”  I might then find out that the particular person is going through a rough time in their life, and had no idea they were projecting that kind of energy.   And then who knows, maybe I might think differently of them as a whole now that I understand them.  Everyone is human.  Everyone you meet is fighting a battle, never forget that.  But even if I am fighting a hard battle internally, I WANT to know if I am hurting other people or coming across in a negative way.   Because I would not want that, EVER.  So I would hope others are honest with me in that regard, no matter how hard it would be to hear.

Be honest with yourself and with others, especially on things that matter.  It will only make your relationships and life better.

Stay blessed in the mess 😉