Back to work tomorrow? WHAT?!

We have an almost 3 month old guys! When did that happen? I cannot believe I go back to work tomorrow, I am struggling with that a little. Okay fine, A LOT. Let’s not talk about it, okay great.

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I love being a mom so much. SO MUCH. I feel like I was meant for this. While nothing can truly prepare you for a newborn and I knew that…I will say that all the years of babysitting/nannying and growing up with much younger siblings has really helped me to be very calm and comfortable with this whole experience. Naturally there have been some stressful moments, but nothing that I feel like I can’t handle thus far. Just the typical stuff. Is she eating enough? Why is she being fussy? Is something wrong? What is that rash? Am I doing this right? Is that normal? And of course the OMG IS SHE BREATHING?!

I tried to mentally prepare myself for whatever kind of baby Rocklyn was going to be. I remember talking to Shain before she was here and warning him that there may be nights where she screams for hours and that even though we probably won’t sleep for a month straight, we must stick together!! We can do this! I think I may have terrified him a little. Overall, we have been so blessed. Rocklyn is a very even tempered baby and aside from her first two nights home, she has been an awesome sleeper. She even started sleeping consistently through the night at 8 weeks! Way to go little lady, you are the bomb.

If there was anything I knew for sure prior to having a baby, it was that I was going to be a scheduled obsessed Mom who craved consistency and routine. By nature, I am terribly disorganized and discombobulated. So when I force structure and goals on myself I am just a happier and more productive person. Being a mom has made that even more important for me. Having my daily routines and systems in place has really helped me keep my sanity and feel like I have a good handle on things.  Rocklyn has also responded well so far to being put on a consistent feeding/napping schedule which has been awesome.

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I will say that there are some things about being a Mom I was not prepared for. Lonlieness being one of them. Despite having a supportive husband/father, there is just something about being the woman in all this that comes with a different kind of territory.  There is a lot of pressure and emotions that a man just cannot understand. Yes, we are hanging out in our sweatpants all day which may seem easier than going to work. But it is SO NOT.  As the Mom, this little being’s life literally depends on you and YOUR body to survive and sadly wearing sweatpants and having movies on all day does not make that any easier. It is a ton of pressure and it can make you feel trapped and suffocated in many ways.  Even if I am physically able to step away and take a break, mentally I am never able to truly check out…EVER. And being that my other half doesn’t really feel the extent of that, can be very lonely sometimes.  Especially in those early weeks when you are the only one that can feed and it’s 1am anddddddd your beloved husband is out like a rock 😉   It is easy to see how Mothers can kind of lose themselves in this process of raising a family and how important it is to get out and do some things for YOU.

 
Then there is the feeling of inadequacy; oh boy, I am embarrassed to say that this one keeps me up at night sometimes. People warned me about the “mom judgment” thing,  but now I kind of understand it. I think as a parent it is easy to feel judged because there is so much that you are literally just figuring out as you go a long, so of course it is easy to feel insecure. I can honestly say I am pretty confident in my abilities but when another mom talks about a different way of doing something, it is still hard to fight off the negative talk of, “should I be doing it that way?” or “am I wrong?” and sometime it can go as low as….”I am a mess, I suck at this”.  Then I usually have to give myself a slap in the face. Do I judge another mom for doing things differently? Heck no! So why should I feel judged and inadequate as a mom? I should not, bottom line.  If there was ever a time to “do YOU” it is being a parent.  We all have to do what works best for us and anybody who wants to criticize or disrespect that can shove it.

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One thing is for certain, it takes a village. Even if that village is your fellow mom who totally gets it and listens to you vent or who you bounce ideas off of. Or an awesome Mother-in -Law who comes over so you can go get a workout in….or go stare blankly in the corner.  As I sit here and meal prep, lay out clothes, and  write out feeding/napping schedules for tomorrow, I am still unsure of how this whole working mom thing is going to go but I will give it a whirl.  These past 12 weeks went by faster than I ever imagined they would. Send some positive vibes to this emotional wreck tomorrow please 🙂

 

2 thoughts on “Back to work tomorrow? WHAT?!

  1. Hang in there, Jill! Tomorrow will be a tough day for sure. BUT, each day will get easier, and you both will be FINE. You can do this too 🙂

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