Taylor Swift was on to something with that song of hers… “Haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate, I’m just gonna shake shake shake shake shake, shake it off.” In other words, don’t let the negative energy of others bring you down and keep doing your thing!
BUT there is another side to this “haters” thing that intrigues me and is often not talked about. I feel we make others out to be these haters so easily. You don’t like my outfit? Stop being a hater. You don’t like my lifestyle? Stop being a hater. But are they really HATING? Or have we just become WEAK? Hate and bullying is a very real thing, but I fear we have turned every single disagreement, interpersonal conflict and unlike mind into an act of bullying and hate. And I am sorry, but that does a disservice to people who have been real victims of those two things. It does not compare.
Maybe you had somebody confront you recently and tell you something that hurt your feelings. Maybe they told you that they didn’t appreciate the way you were acting or treating them and you didn’t agree. Maybe it was somebody at work who told you they didn’t like your idea….do you turn these categories into hating/bullying? Or do you open an adult conversation with that person and talk about it? Since when has giving honest feedback and sharing feelings and thoughts that don’t align with others become inappropriate? This is not hate. This is not bullying. This is adulthood. And yes, it can be really really hard sometimes. Who actually likes hearing negative things about themselves? NOBODY! But it is part of life and it is part of growth and working with others.
Did you know it is now harder to fire people in the work place than it has ever been before? Why? Because companies can no longer fire somebody for simply being a poor employee or being difficult to work with, it is too tricky. Somehow a person will find a way to sue and tell the world how poorly THEY were treated and what a terrible place to work it was. Naturally, you will never hear that they didn’t show up for appointments or came in late all the time. They might even pull out a sickness or disability they had and call it discrimination. WHAT? Makes absolutely ZERO sense to me. And I have seen it happen in front of my eyes over and over and over again.
I have also noticed a trend in some of the circles I surround myself with that the people who often talk about being hated ON the most…are the biggest haters themselves. Others that appear positive and encouraging on social media platforms, but then when in person have nothing positive to say about anybody. These people often make me sad and are not people I choose to become close to; because lord knows what they say about an acquaintance like me if they are bashing their own best friends. Some of the friends I cherish the most are ones that disagree with me and challenge me on a daily basis (cough, Mama J). Sometimes we talk through it and still don’t agree and that’s cool. I love them more for it. Because we can be real with each other.
Writing this prompted me to of course look inward at myself. I keep a blog called “Blessed in the Mess”. The purpose of this blog in my mind is to encourage others, share some of my stories, struggles and insights. I never want you to think I am perfect. I never want you to think that I am not a constant work in progress. Because man am I ever, I have enough baggage to fill a whole plane. Some days I wake up IN my crabby pants and don’t even want to put my happy pants on. Can I be negative? Absolutely. We are ALL guilty of this. Because we are human. But I just ask that you to really think about the next time you consider someone a hater or a bully. Are they really? Or are they telling you something that maybe you need to hear? Hearing things we don’t agree with or negative feedback is really hard, our first instinct is to throw our guard up and bash that person. I promise you, I struggle with it too. I welcome feedback on how I can improve as a wife, friend, manager, coworker etc. and stay strong when I am listening to the sometimes hard words about myself…but I often will go home and beat myself up for weeks. But I need that, we all need that. Because guess what? NONE of us are perfect; but we can certainly use these moments to be the best we can be and GROW.
What are your thoughts on this topic? Agree? Disagree? Would love to hear.
Stay blessed in the mess 🙂