Are you awake?  No, I don’t mean the kind of awake after you have had your 5th cup of  morning coffee, I mean the kind of awake that allows you to be fully aware of your life, it’s beauty, it’s direction and it’s purpose…YOUR PURPOSE.  This was one of those questions that rocked my world when I was in college.  It was a question that was asked of me when it appeared that my life was just one big hectic ball of stress (because it was).  My answer at the time?  “Of course I am awake,  I am busy! I am doing things with my life! I am happy!” But was I really?  Or was I just filling up space to avoid myself entirely?

At the time, I was going to school, working 3 jobs,  a college athlete….I thought being awake meant filling every second of every day with something.  I was ambitious! I couldn’t sit around and do nothing…I had goals!  I was wrong. 

When we fill our days to the maximum we miss out on something incredibly important, our thoughts and our true selves.  As much we think our sports, hobbies, careers and family roles define us, they do not.  Think about it…are you the same person as a parent as you are out with your friends? How about at work?  Are you 100% yourself at work?  What about in front of a stranger? You might not be incredibly different at each of these, but most people “tweak” their personality for each of situation, which is normal and appropriate.

These are all simply hats that we wear, they are not the true souls that are deep within us, they only scratch the surface.  Sadly, most of us do not even know our true selves very well because we are too busy keeping up with these roles that consume us.  But if we spend time with ourselves, listen to our thoughts, become aware of our feelings…we become better parents, employees, friends, athletes, etc.  We become better at LIFE.

Have you ever had one of those moments where life is going by so fast and you have an unexpected quiet moment to yourself?  What happens during that moment?  Do you have a total breakdown?  That is a true sign that you have ignored yourself.  Are you REALLY doing what YOU want for your life?  Are you in the right relationship?  The right career?  Don’t answer that right away, simply give yourself some silence to think about it.  The more aware and awake you are with yourself the more clarity you will have, guaranteed.  And the less you will stray away from your path.

So often in life we are searching for answers, and the answers are within us the entire time.  We just don’t think to look for them there.  We are sprinting as soon as the alarm goes off until we plop down exhausted in bed, of course we have no idea where our life is at, we don’t have time to think about it!  Take time.  Say NO to some things.  Take a 15 minute walk in the middle of your day by yourself…or my favorite just find a spot and sit.  Try to sit in silence and see what pops in your head, you will be amazed at what is hiding in that beautiful heart and soul of yours.

I am guilty as they come for this, it is something I have to fight every day.  I am known for filling my calendar, overloading myself with work and school, you name it.  But thankfully, I have come to a point now that I know exactly when I am overdue for some “awake time”.  It is when I start to feel restless, anxious and moody that I know I need to go to my thinking spot and ask my self some check in questions.  Am I happy here? Am I still on the right path? What is upsetting me? Do I have the power to change it?   If I am patient enough in my silence, the answers always come.

Stay blessed in the mess, friends 🙂

So often

This is a picture Shain and I took when we had one year until the wedding.

Now… BAM we have less than one month.  WHAT THE WHAT? When did that happen?  Amidst a crazy and stressful year, the months were apparently just flying by.  I am so thankful I finished up with school last month because it is officially crunch time.  Lots of emails finalizing things going back and forth, long to do lists of last minute details, meetings with vendors etc.  So much for free time, what else is new?   Oh yea and did I mention Shain is pretty much never home this time of year? AHHH!

Despite my well known hatred for the wedding industry,  I am getting very excited. Again, please do not confuse this with a hatred towards marriage, weddings and marriage are two different things.  But seriously, I am excited to be surrounded by our most favorite people and finally make this relationship “official” after almost a decade together.  As things are coming together we do unfortunately have some regrets of not holding our ground for certain things, but right now it is what it is.   We just have to let it all roll out and enjoy the day. It will be glorious.  I cannot wait to be a DIAZ!

Also…operation get my summer abs back is in full effect.  Which means more running,  minimal sweets and carbs… and my friends and co-workers will probably be taunting me with chocolate and sour patch kids just to watch me squirm.  Jerks.

Holy Cow.  I made it.  I MADE IT THROUGH APRIL! My sincere apologies for my lack of inspiration last month, April is literally the craziest month out of the entire year.  Between calling out financial aid packages,  back to back student appointments/meetings,  high school visits, finishing up schoolwork for the semester and an email inbox that makes me want to cry….I have been completely zapped.  BUT I made it out alive, WOO!  Things are still busy, but I can at least see the light at the end of the tunnel now.  Just in time to begin getting all the wedding details together.

Despite my stress levels being at an all time high these last few weeks, there were some really AWESOME things that happened! Ideally, I could have written a blog post about each and everyone of them but instead I will just give you a quick re-cap.

My FIRST EVER Crossfit Competition

Holy crap this was amazing.  So amazing that the whole experience made me want to give up running and all these long distance races and sign up for more of these.  Being my first one, I had no goals which is kind of a beautiful thing.  No expectations, no pressure, just to go out there and do my best and have fun.  The beauty of Crossfit is that some of the workouts I totally sucked at (wall climbs ugh) and others I did really well with.   I end up finishing 14th out of 31 Women!

Bridal Shower

Wow, where do I begin with this one.  Our families put together the most wonderful Bridal shower for Shain and I.  I will be totally honest and tell you that I was a ball of nerves going into the shower and during it.  It was very overwhelming to have all eyes on us and to be presented with so many gifts that we felt we did not deserve.  Shain and I have been living together for a few years now, so truly there was nothing we needed.  I tried to make the argument against having a shower entirely, but as you can imagine we got some resistance on that.  So we just asked that it be a “no-wrap” shower,  meaning everybody just brings their gifts unwrapped and leaves them with a tag on a “viewing” table.  I had heard about this idea last year and just really loved it,  because it meant that we could spend more time with the guests and giving them our love and appreciation.

Shower Dress from White House Black Market…Goodwill $5!

Even with the no wrap concept, we still didn’t get a chance to talk to everybody which left me feeling very guilty.  But it did seem that everybody enjoyed themselves, or so we hope.  When we went home that night to our house filled with all of these generous and thoughtful gifts, I felt so uneasy.  I like to be the one giving gifts,  love and attention to others, so having this all turned on me is a very overwhelming feeling that I cannot explain in words.   But I do know that in the weeks to come, I need to get used to this.  Shain and I are surrounded by some seriously amazing people who want to support us through this special time in our lives.

IACAC Conference

For the first time in three years I was not on a planning committee for our annual conference and it was quite refreshing!  I was able to enjoy more sessions and even take part in presenting a session on staying healthy during admission travel season.  This is always such a fun time to connect with colleagues and mentors who have guided me through out my career.  The support in this organization is phenomenal to those who take advantage of it.  I even got a chance to run in the annual conference 5k and was first female!  Go figure, I have no pictures to show for.

Great Western Half Marathon

Okay so this was AWESSOMMMEEEEE.  My good friend Chels, has turned into a speed demon since having her baby.  She has run many of these races before but this year had a goal in mind.  She was aiming for a 1:45 and drumroll please… she hit a 1:42!  HOLY PR!  I was so stoked to get to run with her and get to experience the smashing of her goal.  It was AWESOME.   Our whole run club did so good (We missed you, John).

See that under Armour long sleeve I am wearing?  Yup- Goodwill.

So that is about all the exciting stuff I have for you.  This upcoming weekend I have another half marathon at Starved Rock which should be pretty (yes-I bailed on the full marathon).   I am a little unsure what goal to shoot for as I have not really done any speed training,  so we will see how it goes.  If I can get in the 1:30s I will be stoked, but if I decide to take it slow and enjoy the scenery I am cool with that too.

Stay blessed in the mess! 🙂