{"id":2107,"date":"2016-06-09T11:05:29","date_gmt":"2016-06-09T11:05:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.blessedinthemess.com\/blog\/?p=2107"},"modified":"2016-06-09T11:13:16","modified_gmt":"2016-06-09T11:13:16","slug":"how-am-i-balancing-im-not","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.blessedinthemess.com\/blog\/how-am-i-balancing-im-not\/","title":{"rendered":"How am I balancing? I’m not."},"content":{"rendered":"

Let’s see. The last time I wrote a post, it was the day before I was returning back to work from my maternity leave in March. \u00a0I was sad, nervous, excited, and wondering how I was going to balance working and being a first time mom. \u00a0Not gonna lie, I had felt pretty on top of my motherhood game at that point. I have a happy baby with a good routine who sleeps through the night, I can totally handle work. How hard could it be?<\/p>\n

I am a few\u00a0months into that journey and let me tell you…I am not doing so hot. \u00a0In fact, I am one big train wreck. \u00a0All the time.<\/p>\n

March through May is the busiest time of year in higher ed,\u00a0so I had to hit the ground running as soon as I got back. This of course was a blessing to keep me distracted, but a curse in my stress levels. \u00a0 My day was instantly filled with insanity…and I mean INSANITY. I have barely had time to breathe. During this time of year, I usually like to\u00a0go into work\u00a0extra early a few times a week to stay caught up or power through some tasks\u00a0without distraction. \u00a0Honestly, I COULD\u00a0be doing that, but I don’t want to. \u00a0My child sleeps from 730pm- 630am. \u00a0So the way I see\u00a0it, I already\u00a0only getting 3 hours TOPS a day with her awake. \u00a0Leaving the house earlier than 7:30am or staying at the office later than 5pm meant missing out on even more time with her. \u00a0This gives me so much anxiety because I already miss her so bad it hurts.<\/p>\n

\"toes\"<\/p>\n

So, for these last few months I have been getting to work on time if not late, which stresses me out. \u00a0Despite not getting everything on my list done, or responding to all the emails I should have….I leave at 5pm regardless. \u00a0Which stresses me out. This is not the kind of employee I am or have ever been. \u00a0But I am struggling to find a balance.\u00a0 I miss my girl, all the time. \u00a0I am dying to get home every day to see her and it kills me that for 50 hours a week somebody else is taking care of her when she is MINE. So I end up leaving work feeling like a terrible employee because I didn’t accomplish what I needed and then I get home for the 2 hours\u00a0left with my child feeling like a terrible mother. \u00a0 Apparently this is the crux of parenthood.<\/p>\n

And the rest of\u00a0my life outside of work and Rocklyn? Feels almost non- existent. \u00a0Keeping up with the house, bills or even something simple as responding to text messages or being nice to my husband (who is constantly traveling for work), seems near impossible. I have miraculously managed to workout a few times a week, BUT\u00a0in order to do that I have to be up at 3:45\/4am at the latest in order to fit that and pumping before she wakes up.\u00a0This is\u00a0also why I am dead to the world by 8pm.<\/p>\n

\"mom<\/a><\/p>\n

Guys, I have one kid. \u00a0ONE. UNO. \u00a0Again, a happy one. \u00a0Who sleeps and is the awesomest little being\u00a0ever.\u00a0WHY IS THIS SO HARD?\u00a0 Why do I feel like such a constant train wreck and failure? \u00a0I have not felt this out of sorts since I was in college and was losing my keys every other day and going negative in my bank account on a consistent basis.<\/p>\n

Good news? \u00a0Things are starting to slow down a little, thank heavens. \u00a0So I can regain my composure (a little) and try to figure out how to get a handle on my life again.\u00a0I know I am not the only one running frantically through this journey of being a parent and facing the challenge of trying to be decent in my different roles. \u00a0My favorite role is\u00a0Rocky’s Mom,\u00a0the problem is trying to make time for the other roles that seem oh so less important.<\/p>\n

I think there is a way to feel a LITTLE\u00a0balanced with all of this, maybe not all the time but at least some of the time. \u00a0I really am working on it. \u00a0To my fellow Mama bears out there, we can do this. \u00a0I think.<\/p>\n

Stay blessed in the big OLE MESS!<\/p>\n

\"mom<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Let’s see. The last time I wrote a post, it was the day before I was returning back to work from my maternity leave in March. \u00a0I was sad, nervous, excited, and wondering how I was going to balance working and being a first time mom. \u00a0Not gonna lie, I had felt pretty on top of my motherhood game at that point. I have a happy baby with a good routine who sleeps through the night, I can totally handle work. How hard could it be? I am a few\u00a0months into that journey and let me tell you…I am not doing so hot. \u00a0In fact, I am one big train wreck. \u00a0All the time. March through May is the busiest time of year in higher ed,\u00a0so I had to hit the ground running as soon as I got back. This of course was a blessing to keep me distracted, but a curse in my stress levels. \u00a0 My day was instantly filled with insanity…and I mean INSANITY. I have barely had time to breathe. During this time of year, I usually like to\u00a0go into work\u00a0extra early a few times a week to stay caught up or power through some tasks\u00a0without distraction. \u00a0Honestly, I COULD\u00a0be doing that, but I don’t want to. \u00a0My child sleeps from 730pm- 630am. \u00a0So the way I see\u00a0it, I already\u00a0only getting 3 hours TOPS a day with her awake. \u00a0Leaving the house earlier than 7:30am or staying at the office later than 5pm meant missing out on even more time with her. \u00a0This gives me so much anxiety because I already miss her so bad it hurts. So, for these last few months I have been getting to work on time if not late, which stresses me out. \u00a0Despite not getting everything on my list done, or responding to all the emails I should have….I leave at 5pm regardless. \u00a0Which stresses me out. This is not the kind of employee I am or have ever been. \u00a0But I am struggling to find a balance.\u00a0 I miss my girl, all the time. \u00a0I am dying to get home every day to see her and it kills me that for 50 hours a week somebody else is taking care of her when she is MINE. So I end up leaving work feeling like a terrible employee because I didn’t accomplish what I needed and then I get home for the 2 hours\u00a0left with my child feeling like a terrible mother. \u00a0 Apparently this is the crux of parenthood. And the rest of\u00a0my life outside of work and Rocklyn? Feels almost non- existent. \u00a0Keeping up with the house, bills or even something simple as responding to text messages or being nice to my husband (who is constantly traveling for work), seems near impossible. I have miraculously managed to workout a few times a week, BUT\u00a0in order to do that I have to be up at 3:45\/4am at the latest in order to fit that and pumping before she wakes up.\u00a0This is\u00a0also why I am dead to the world by 8pm. Guys, I have one kid. \u00a0ONE. UNO. \u00a0Again, a happy one. \u00a0Who sleeps and is the awesomest little being\u00a0ever.\u00a0WHY IS THIS SO HARD?\u00a0 Why do I feel like such a constant train wreck and failure? \u00a0I have not felt this out of sorts since I was in college and was losing my keys every other day and going negative in my bank account on a consistent basis. Good news? \u00a0Things are starting to slow down a little, thank heavens. \u00a0So I can regain my composure (a little) and try to figure out how to get a handle on my life again.\u00a0I know I am not the only one running frantically through this journey of being a parent and facing the challenge of trying to be decent in my different roles. \u00a0My favorite role is\u00a0Rocky’s Mom,\u00a0the problem is trying to make time for the other roles that seem oh so less important. I think there is a way to feel a LITTLE\u00a0balanced with all of this, maybe not all the time but at least some of the time. \u00a0I really am working on it. \u00a0To my fellow Mama bears out there, we can do this. \u00a0I think. Stay blessed in the big OLE MESS!    <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2107","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"aioseo_notices":[],"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.blessedinthemess.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2107","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.blessedinthemess.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.blessedinthemess.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.blessedinthemess.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.blessedinthemess.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2107"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/www.blessedinthemess.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2107\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2119,"href":"http:\/\/www.blessedinthemess.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2107\/revisions\/2119"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.blessedinthemess.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2107"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.blessedinthemess.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2107"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.blessedinthemess.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2107"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}