Mommyhood: Day 11.

Hello World! My name is Jill and I am a Mom.  A FREAKING MOM! 11 days in and I still cannot believe it.  So far it has been the most wonderful, terrifying, emotional, exhausting, BEST THING EVER!!

Much like my pregnancy, I feel super blessed with how everything went down with delivery and how everything is going currently with our new babe. Many people warned me that with this being my first pregnancy, little miss would likely be a few days late, but I had a pretty strong intuition that she would be here before Christmas, and that she was!  The  Saturday night before she was born Shain and I went out to a fancy pants dinner at one of our favorite restaurants and then met up with some friends that were in town.  Little did we know that would be our last night out for a while as that night/early next morning I went into labor!

We ended up going to the hospital at 4:30am Sunday morning as my contractions were pretty regular at that point, but they ended up sending us home as I was just not quite there yet.   When I asked the Nurse how I would know when it was time to come back, she simply replied with “Oh, you will know”.  At the time, that frustrated me because I wasn’t sure I WOULD know. How the heck would I know?! I don’t know what this is supposed to feel like! What if Shain has to deliver our baby in the hallway? Or in the car?! I just bought this car! Well, the remainder of the day my contractions got more painful, so I soaked in the tub, took a walk, did all the things they tell you to do and then exactly 12 hours later from our first hospital visit, Shain was speeding down the road back to the hospital gripping my left hand as my right hand was ready to rip the oh sh*t bar out of the car (He was actually very concerned I would rip it out, haha). Okay Nurse, you were right.  I definitely knew.  It was game time.

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Once we got to the hospital, I laughed about how earlier that morning the Nurse at the front desk asked if I needed a wheelchair and how I politely declined. This time around I could barely make it the 10 feet from our car to the door, dear GOD get that wheelchair over here!  But honestly, once they got me all hooked up and got the pain meds in, it was all gravy. I wish I could tell you that I fought through another 12 hours of contractions with no epidural and have you think I am super tough.  Nope, I welcomed that big ole needle like a long lost friend.  Maybe next time I will go for the all natural…maybe.  Anyways, once the pain subsided we spent the rest of night dozing in and out of sleep, watching Christmas movies and just waited for things to progress.  Baby girl descended very slowly but once I was at 9cm the Doctor decided to finally break my water and we got the pushing party started a little before 5am.  25 minutes later she was out! I could not believe how seamless it all went! Despite not sleeping for pretty much two days straight, it all could not have gone better.

You know the saying…”when time stands still”?  I experienced that the moment Rocklyn was out and they put her on my chest.  I seriously sobbed for a solid 30 minutes and had no recollection of anything going on around me.  Poor Shain finally tapped me on the shoulder and was like “Ummm…is it okay if I hold her now?”.  What a jerk I am! I literally didn’t even know how much time had passed at that point.  The world just stopped. One of the best moments in my entire life.

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Many people have asked if there is a story behind her name as it is a little different, but quite honestly there really isn’t.  We really liked the idea of the nickname Rocky- it is cute, strong and different.  Not to mention, it is one of Shain’s favorite films that represents overcoming odds and determination. So when we were toying with what names could produce a nickname like that, Rocklyn kept popping in my head.  As we went back and forth on other ideas for names the last few months, that one just kept coming back.

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Rocklyn is now 11 days old and things are going great. We have had one really bad night where the poor thing had a bad case of gas and screamed for hours and hours, which I am pretty sure was entirely my fault from something I ate that afternoon.  But we got through it and knock on wood, things are going well.  She sleeps well through the night, besides of course having to be woken up to eat, is nursing really well and her temperament is totally chill which is quite the relief.

There is a lot we are learning still and lots of trial and error of course. It is a little overwhelming to constantly think about following all the rules that the doctor/nurses/lactation consultants gave, make sure she has this many wet diapers, is eating this many times a day, don’t do this, don’t do that etc.  But the biggest lesson I have learned so far this early in the game is that I just have to be in tune to our baby and treat those rules as guidelines.  It is much more enjoyable for all of us that way- so I’ve just been kind of letting her take the lead as we all figure each other out.

I already see this world through a whole different set of eyes which has taken some getting used to.  My happiness and newfound love for this little human is also accompanied by constant anxiety/worry of all the things that could happen, so that is something I am working through.  I still however feel blessed beyond belief right now.  What a cool new chapter this will be, thanks for all the love 🙂

 

Still hoping, still dreaming.

The dreamer in me is feeling a little bummed out this week.  I received the official news recently that once again I did NOT make the registration cut for the Boston Marathon.

For those of you who are confused by this, let me explain.  Despite the fact that I finally reached my goal of running a Boston qualifying marathon time in 2014, it still did not guarantee me a spot in the Boston Marathon.  The time I needed to qualify was a 3:35 and I ran a 3:34:54.  In the past, all who qualified for Boston got in even those like myself who barely made the cut.  However, in the past few years the running community has increased, gotten faster AND the desire to run Boston since the bombing has been huge; so the last two years they were not able to accept everybody who qualified due to the large amount of qualifiers and field size limitations. Therefore, the fastest got priority.  Last year was one of those years and so was this year- go figure right?  My time was good for two years, so despite being heartbroken from not getting in last year, I was hopeful that this year I would have a chance. Not so much.  This means if I want to run in the Boston Marathon, I will need to go back to the drawing board and run another qualifying time. I plan on doing so, I plan on getting faster.

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Receiving the confirmation that I did not get in brought back all kinds of negative feelings and thoughts of not being good enough.  I was not born a natural athlete by any means. No matter if it was on the cross country & track team or soccer field I have always had to work much harder than my peers to barely be at their level.  This has done enormous things for my character growing up and truly taught me the meaning of work ethic and perseverance.  But I would be lying if I told you it didn’t break my spirit sometimes to work so hard and still come up short.

I had two big things I really wanted to cross off my list before Shain and I started on our journey of having a family. Run the Boston Marathon and and go on a solo international hiking trip.  I thought I had it all planned out.  I thought it was going to work.  But it is no news to anybody that life does not always work according to plan.

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I had booked a trip to Peru for this past May but due to everything going on with selling our house, buying a new one and finding out I was pregnant- I had to cancel it.  I was elated to find out we were expecting, don’t get me wrong.  The day I took my pregnancy test I was alone at home and I literally started dancing and jumping around in the hallway like a little kid.  But a part of me was also sad that the person who could book a trip on a whim or could dedicate hours and hours a week to training for a race/marathon/whatever- would not be the same. This little person who I already love so much is going to change everything.

Now, despite not being a mom yet I am not the person who believes that life ends once your family starts. I know life will change drastically.  I will give everything to my family, I have felt ready to be a Mom for a long time now.  I believe in putting my children first, but I will not sacrifice who I am, that would be a shame. How is my little girl to learn what hard work and perseverance look like? She will watch her dad travel all over the country working his butt off in his day job so that he can support us and she will probably tag along on weekends to help him work on his house-rehab projects, just like he did as a kid with his Dad.  She will watch her mom finally run that Boston Marathon that she trained for in the wee early morning hours or evenings when she was sleeping (fingers crossed on the sleeping part).  Maybe when she is old enough she will even travel the world with me on all kinds of adventures. This little girl will feel all the love and support in the world, but also watch her parents go after what they want and hopefully she will then learn to do the same.

Yes, the dreamer in me is a little saddened this week.  But as I am typing this, my baby is kicking away in my belly and I tell you what- that has got to be one of the best feelings ever.  I may not have hiked to the top of a mountain this year or run a fast enough marathon, but God gave me the talent to create a life and that is something I will never take for granted.

Stay blessed in the mess 🙂

My take on being “fit and pregnant”

Having a background in personal training for 7+ years and having worked with pregnant clients (AND having numerous pregnant friends in the past years), I thought I knew exactly how this whole “staying fit and pregnant” thing would go for me.  Of COURSE I would keep the same workout routine!  Of COURSE I would keep the same running mileage!  I mean how hard can working out while being pregnant really be? It will just take a little will power and perseverance, that’s all.  I can totally be like those girls on the Fit Pregnancy, magazines with their super toned arms and legs and little baby bump.

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I could not have been MORE CLUELESS.

Hilarious what you don’t realize until you are physically growing a human.  I have a whole new respect for all the mamas out there who stay active AND for the ones who choose NOT to stay active.  Because I get it now. Growing a baby is hard freaking work. Not only did I not take into account the aches and pains that occur, but the constant (and sometimes totally irrational) fear of “is this okay for my baby?”.  Am I being selfish?

First trimester I kept pretty much the same workout routine.  Most weeks, I would do 3 days of Crossfit and 3 days of running.  The only differences were that I was overly cautious and EVERYTHING was slower, but I could still do most movements without feeling uncomfortable.

Weeks 15-22 have been interesting thus far.  I stopped doing full burpees, crunches, box jumps etc. things of that nature but I have continued crossfitting/lifting and just lowered  the weight depending on how I am feeling that particular day.  I do not follow the “do not lift more than 25 pounds” rule, with permission from my doctor.  But I am lifting considerably less than I would normally and will probably go down in weight even farther as I get bigger. I also ate a hot dog last week and it was delightful.  Please save the speech.

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Running also depends on the day: some days I feel so great (minus the snail pace) and try to go at least 4-6 miles.  Other days, which happened a lot in weeks 19-21, I can barely make it 2 miles without feeling like my bladder is going to explode or feeling an insane amount of pressure in my abdomen as if I am going to give birth right then and there on the neighborhood trail. How’s that for an introduction? Hi neighbors!

In the last two weeks my belly has also popped significantly, which explains all the extra shooting aches and pains and the extra pressure.  So, I ordered a maternity belt and used it this week and it made such a difference!  I don’t think I have ever been so happy to make it 4 miles! As you can tell in the picture below, Wyatt was happy too.  I am hoping this will help me to continue running through my pregnancy, but we will see.  I did some swimming and spinning last week which caused me zero discomfort (except for being in a bathing suit ha!), so I may have to switch to that eventually.  But I have let go of this idea that I just HAVE to be one of those girls who runs until the day she delivers. If I can keep up a varied workout routine, I will be happy.

The inconsistency of how my body feels obviously makes trying to keep a routine kind of impossible, I literally wake up every morning and say “Okay body, what is it going to be today?”.

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Mentally, it has been hard for me to even want to workout when I cannot push myself as hard as I am used to.  I enjoy going all out and pushing past the pain and pushing past my comfort zone.  So quite frankly, I really don’t feel the satisfaction or endorphins I usually feel after workout out anymore which makes it difficult to stay motivated. None the less, I have been trucking along and doing it anyway.  I know it is good for me, helps me keep my ridiculous roller coaster of emotions in check and it is good for my baby. They are different motivating factors for me these days and I am okay with that.

4 1/2 months to go!

Stay blessed in the mess 😉

 

 

First Trimester Recap!

You knew it was coming right?  I have bored you with talk of wedding planning, training for marathons, balancing a healthy lifestyle, career etc…..it was only a matter of time before you got a full blown preggo post.  I promise there will not be many of these as I will have many more things to write about in coming months.  However, being as I am a first timer to this whole experience it is BLOWING MY MIND YOU GUYS.

As of today I am 15 weeks pregnant!  For those of you who were like me and thought it was odd that pregnancy measurements were in ‘weeks’, that means I am almost 4 months along. But I totally get the week by week thing now, because every week is truly a victory.

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First Trimester was a little rough for me.  I cannot complain too much however, because I only got physically sick once.  Just random bits of nausea here and there when I needed to force myself to eat (not much of an appetite), so I am VERY thankful for that. However, the exhaustion and the emotions have been a force to be reckoned with.  I thought going to bed at 9pm every night in my normal life was bad, but for weeks I could barely make it past 6pm.  Sometimes I would go home, eat dinner and then just go straight to bed. And that is if I didn’t have an end of day emotional breakdown first that caused me to cry myself to sleep.  Not kidding…ROUGH.

The roller coaster of emotions and anxiety has been the hardest for me.  There should be a support group for husbands who have to manage this, or at least a warning in your wedding vows.   From the moment I found out I was pregnant I have had overwhelming feelings of anxiety and worry that something bad was going to happen, that this beautiful gift could potentially be taken away from me or that I did not deserve it.  I went through every possible scenario in my head until it made me sick. Sometimes it was enough to send me into panic attacks that caused me to have to leave work.  Luckily, that has gotten a little better. I have also struggled with some general depression, especially from weeks 6-10 and had a hard time shaking that.  It it is not as frequent now, but still creeps up on me.   Apparently these are all common things some women go through during pregnancy that I was so NOT ready for.

Lastly, my workouts could be summarized in two words, slow and WEAK.   For now, the girl that could run a marathon or throw 130 pounds over her head is taking a little vacation and is being replaced by girl who has to catch her breath after walking up a flight of stairs.  As much as I wanted to take a break until I got my energy back, I kept at my workouts and threw some yoga in too, I just had to take it extra slow.  This was a little tricky to explain to my fellow gym peeps since they didn’t know what my deal was yet. Luckily, I have been nursing an upper body injury so I was able to do some different workouts due to that and not make it as obvious.

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Current pregnancy craving: canned peaches.  But they MUST be cold.  Pregnancy is weird.

However, as of the last two weeks I can honestly tell you that for the first time in months I finally feel like myself!  This is so refreshing, I was starting to worry that having no energy and being depressed and anxious all the time was my new norm. NO THANK YOU.   My energy is back, my workouts feel great (but still taking it down a notch don’t worry) and overall my happy demeanor has returned. I even felt baby flutters the other day, SO AWESOME!

Surprisingly, I have not gained a single pound yet BUT let’s just say things have… shifted.  The abs I had are officially gone and are being replaced by this weird little pooch that sticks out…doesn’t really look like a bump at all…just looks like I ate too much ice cream or something. Can’t wait for it to look like something is really growing in there!

I have made a commitment to continuously eat clean through my pregnancy and not fall into that false trap that you have to “eat for two” or eat whatever you want.  Of course I would eat pizza and candy all day but that doesn’t mean I should.  I am allowing myself more treats here and there, but overall really being conscious about taking in good nutrients. I don’t think I have ever been so excited to gain weight…I am sure that mindset will change in a few months 😉

Stay blessed in the mess!